Church Change Post #6
We made the decision because of what the Lord showed us Sunday night.
The following Tuesday, we met with our new pastor. What a gift God has given us in this man 
and in this church!
I also sent an email off to (gulp!) our old pastor, letting him know what was going on and asking for his blessing. We already had tickets for Calvary’s missions banquet that Saturday night, so we went. As soon as he saw us, Pastor David came right over and told us that we’d be sorely missed at Calvary but that if we were following the Lord’s leading, he was happy for us. What a gift God’s given us in David Crabtree, too!
It was interesting… pulling up to the building that night, Ken and I both knew that Calvary was no longer “home”. Oh, in a sense it will always be “home” and “family” … no doubt. But it felt sort of like when you’ve grown up and moved out and gone away, and now you’re coming home for a holiday. That was between the previous Sunday morning, when we’d visited (felt kind of ambivalent that morning) and the following Saturday night. Wild stuff.
At one point, Pastor David walked past our table and I thought to myself … “Oh my … he’s not my pastor any more!” I had to choke back tears. Then Pastor Tom walked by, and I thought, “He’s not my pastor any more either!” and I had to run off to the ladies’ room and have a good long cry. Then when we were leaving … ohhhhh that hurt. I realized - fully, completely, totally - that was the last time I’d be walking out of Calvary Church as a member. I cried uncontrollably for a while.
Ken was concerned - it’s pretty rare for me to lose control like that. The same thing had happened one morning in the midst of our whole “process” surrounding this. My prayer closet is actually my front porch and driveway (weather depending) … I like to get outside into the fresh air and meet with the Lord. This particular morning He’d practically *thrown* me out of bed at something like 3:30 in the morning to pray. I knew it was over the church issue, and so I was out there pacing back and forth, wrestling with God - and myself - over it all. Suddenly I was on the deck in a wailing heap, sobbing uncontrollably for at least 15 minutes. It felt like a part of me had been forcibly cut off. And yet I knew that it was something which needed to be done.
I can’t remember which day that was… I think it might’ve been Friday or Saturday… but it was at that point that I knew and made peace with the fact that we were leaving Calvary.
So twice, I had that “falling apart” feeling. Grieving. Leaving Calvary hit us all hard. It was a sudden thing… not planned. It wasn’t because of any particular discontent. There was nothing we could point a finger at to rationalize it or make us “feel better” in any human, natural way. In so many ways, God yanked the rug out from underneath us and said, “I want you over here instead… and I want it to happen RIGHT NOW.” We knew it was Him. So did everyone around us. If it wasn’t Him, believe me… we’d have stayed put at Calvary.
Although that sense of heavy grieving only came twice for me, and though we’re incredibly overjoyed with our new church, we are all still working through a process of grieving. I guess that’s normal. We miss - well, we miss what’s “normal” and “comfortable”.
Believe me… we’re way, way outside our comfort zone now. SO many things have radically changed. We’re starting to get comfortable with that…