You can’t go back.
You can’t go back to the way you were before you met your abuser.
Even if you could … do you want to?
Don’t paint an ideal image of yourself “before” … because “before”, you were in a state of vulnerability where you made a decision to follow a person who ultimately abused you.
There, I said it – we bear responsibility here. Nobody picked us up and carried us off, kicking and screaming.
We were willing. And it’s not like there was something that was hidden that we didn’t see … there was something there, in plain sight, that we could see, but we were so swept away by those feelings of love and acceptance and elevated status that we just plain ignored every warning sign. In some cases, a whole lot of people joined us. Those few who warned were brushed aside.
So no … don’t go back. Go forward. Go boldly into a life that is thriving. Step forward into God, fully immersed in Him, so that you are full and truly lack nothing. In that forward state, you’ll never fall prey to abuse. You’ll clearly see, you’ll rightly discern. You will know which leaders to follow and which to avoid completely. Going forward resets you to experience all of the riches of Heaven and to experience every good plan God has for your life.
When you’re dealing with a sociopath who is a leader, a few things happen, usually in this order.
First, they show up on the scene and they’re charming and commanding. Most people are convinced that they will bring necessary change. A few will enter into more of a worship-like state. Those who see the truth are condemned by the sociopath’s supporters.
Second, the changes begin coming and most everyone thinks the changes are AMAZING. Stories are created of how awesome the sociopath is, and all his great exploits. More will move toward adoration. The condemnation of the opposition grows and the situation becomes more polarized.
Third, there will be a groundswell of sweeping changes … Many changes will be unpopular in the people-group the sociopathic leader serves, in part because the program’s implemented were just as “grand” as the sociopath himself, but are lacking in substance and sustenance. But because the ground has been laid, many will feel obligated to support … It only makes sense to. More people will oppose … But many of them will do so from a point of silence (which equals acceptance), saying “I was forced to” and “I had no choice”.
Fourth, the sociopath will attempt to make himself THE leader, whether in reality or just in the eyes of the people. He/she will attempt to depose the current system of leadership and replace it with something as grand as himself. People of the inner circle who question these tactics will be removed, one way or another. During this phase things become very polarized, you’re either in or you’re out. Gaslighting is an extremely common tactic employed in this phase. Some of the opposition becomes extremely vocal and outraged, but they are usually dismissed as being whack jobs or as over-reacting. Often the opposition ends up fighting within itself, rather than accomplishing anything grand.
Fifth, one of two things happen … Either the sociopath is removed from his place of influence, or the take-over becomes complete. We’ve seen this pattern over and over and over again – read any history book. There are those who set themselves up as kings … And those who deal with those who set themselves up as kings.
Gender-neutral bathrooms, anyone? Taxpayer-paid anatomy changes and abortions?
This is one of the best articles I’ve seen on the subject, because for each of the narcissist’s tactics, there is an action step to stand up for yourself and bring the abuse to a stop. The article also helps the reader to understand that these people are in every segment of society, and that just because someone looks shiny, they’re not always gold.
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use to Silence You
Recovering from abuse at the hands of a narcissistic sociopath isn’t easy, but in Jesus, it can be done. You can recover the fullness of who you are, you can recover your heart and passion, you can once again stand tall, you can regain your power and not live in fear of it any longer. Arise!
Never allow yourself to be manipulated into becoming an abbreviated version of yourself!