There is only one way to happiness and healing – and that is through intimate and experiential relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Narcissists, sociopaths, and Jezebel spirits (all closely related, if not the same) all have one problem – they don’t have an authentic relationship with Him. That’s not to say they aren’t or can’t be saved. I believe that God is so much more merciful than we can possibly realize, and that He guards the hearts of those who seem to be heartless in this life. I will hypothesize that because salvation is not about feelings, a sociopath can be saved. What they lack is not salvation, but all of the “feels” that come with it. I’ll write more on this in another post – right now, back to the topic-at-hand.
The problem is that folks with these issues lack the capacity for authentic relationship. Something in their internal wiring is “wrong”, whether that’s from demonic influence, childhood abuse or trauma, or something they were born with.
As a result, all relationships are inauthentic. Often the sociopath is seen to be charismatic, loving, charming, good, kind, benevolent, a good Christian (indeed, often in some sort of leadership position) – but the reality is, they lack the capacity to authentically be any of those things.
Because they know that they NEED those “feels”, and because they cannot have them within themselves, they latch on to others.
They choose someone powerful as their supply. Jezebel goes after the prophetic, Sociopaths tend to go after the apostolic. (That’s not just within the church, folks – Just as prophetic and apostolic tendencies and personalities exist outside the church, Jezebel exists in the business world, too. I’ve encountered it there, among people who weren’t Christians. I’ve encountered it in other religions. Demons aren’t nearly as particular about their supply. So if you’re not a “church person” or your abuser isn’t, keep reading – you need to weigh what I’m about to say.)
The victim of Jezebel/sociopaths is usually not a senior leader – more often, it’s someone new, a bit unsure, up-and-coming, not fully assimilated into the culture. It’s someone who is called to be a leader. It’s someone open to suggestion, someone who’s willing to accept tutelage. The sociopath has positioned themselves as an expert, a leader, a mentor, one who can be relied upon to get the supply to the next stage, because they’ll have you convinced you can’t get there without them. In essence, the sociopath takes something you already have, and sells it to you at the highest price.
Once the sociopath has the supply on the hook, he starts reeling – at times quickly, at times slowly, at times allowing the fishing line to go slack (there’s a term for this – it’s called intermittent reinforcement). He exposes all of your feelings and sucks them up like a vampire.
He “teaches” you – and tells you repeatedly that he’s proud of you for getting it, and that OMG, how can you not get it, you’ll never get “there” unless you get “this”. He tells you how to “assimilate into the culture” of the workplace, school, church, etc – then jumps you for real or imagined slights that violate his perception of the culture. He promises to take you by the hand and get you where you need to be, but every so often he withdraws his hand. He pledges to run interference for you, but what he’s really doing is telling people how terrible you are. He stimulates confidence in you – then takes it away, over and over again, until you have none left. He inspires you to go deeper with Jesus, and then tells you that it’s not enough, that your relationship with Him isn’t authentic, is shallow, is insecure …
And so they leech from their supply until the supply runs dry.
Ken and I, toward the end, were like husks of our former selves. The only real emotion left was rage. We were still believers, still loved Jesus … But the “feels” were utterly and completely gone. So was our confidence. So was our power. So was our passion. We had a long season where we were afraid of our own shadows because of what had been done to us.
Want the good news? You can get it all back. Everything you’ve lost – Jesus is longing to restore it to you. All that passion, all that power, all that love, His original call on your life – He wants you to have it all.
How do you get it? Enter into His rest. Sit on His lap. Soak. Pray. Ask. Read or listen to the Word (preferably both). Go to church. Engage with people. Repent, because the Kingdom of Heaven is right here at hand.
Ready to start healing? Visit the model prayer for healing.