What am I doing here?


What am I doing here? As I’ve talked to people – mostly other women, but a few men (including my husband) as well – I’ve come to the realization that sociopathic abuse is the elephant in the room. And there’s a heck of a lot of elephants running amok. I’ve lost track of the emails and private messages and texts and people running into me on the streets, people thanking me for speaking up. For letting them know they’re not alone. For letting them know it’s not in their heads, that it really DID happen, that they’re not crazy.

People see the elephant and know it’s there. It’s pretty obvious.

But they have their reasons for not doing something about it.

Some like it being there. They’re in a codependent relationship with it, and they get some very powerful and tangible things out of that relationship. The very suggestion that the elephant has shat on the carpet and trampled people and needs to be put out of the building is offensive to them. Most often, the ones shat on and trampled by the elephant were the ones that were closest to it and most protective over it.

Some pretend it’s not there. It’s simply easier and more polite to say nothing. Or, if they do recognize that there’s a problem, they’ll quote Proverbs 14:4 as if that excuses the state of things.

Some say that they’re giving the elephant the opportunity to prove itself. It’s not the elephant they’re ignoring, it’s the bleeding people, the fleeing people, and the flies buzzing around the piles on the carpet.

And then there’s a few, like me – who once fit into one of those categories – who now sees clearly, not just the elephant, but the terrible mess it’s made. And not just the elephant, but countless elephants … In every segment of society … In businesses and neighborhoods and churches … Sent in by satan to steal, kill, and destroy.

And so, I speak. I do choose to give the individual “elephant” that trampled us anonymity in this space. Who he is and the particulars of what he did and how he did it are relevant to me – but chances are they’re not to you, dear reader.

Taking the elephant out of my life is a more private matter, not one to create a tabloid out of. And so after much prayer, I keep certain identities and abuses veiled, not to protect the guilty, but because you don’t carry soiled carpet out into the sun and put all of the shit and bloodstains on display for everyone to see. You shoot the elephant and roll up the carpet and take it to the dump. Then you attend to the wounded and bleeding.

But I will name satan as the true elephant; he is the source of sociopathy (narcissism, Jezebel, and anything else you’d like to name the elephant in the room). This is a satanic onslaught that is rampant in our culture and it must be dealt with accordingly.

At times, we must be the light in very dark places indeed.

I choose to write this way so that I can help more people … Not just people who were abused in the way Ken and I were, by an authority figure, but also people abused in romantic relationships, people abused by parents, parents abused by children, people abused by a boss or employee …

When we first began to figure out what had happened to us … I mean, FULLY realize … And I began to write … I really had no idea of the response I’d get. I’ve never written a blog post for anyone other than myself; I share them and in the past some people have enjoyed them.

I’d seen a book that said that sociopaths were among us at a staggering rate, and even though I gleaned some knowledge from the book, I pooh-poohed the statistic … Until I started getting all of the responses to this blog. Now, I believe that outrageous statistic may not have been outrageous enough. The stats don’t like – there’s a lot of hurting people out there.

Healing comes in Christ. Lord, use me and use the horrific situation we lived through to point the way to Him.

NOTE: I found the accompanying graphic in numerous “sharing” places online; there’s no artist name or way to give credit. If anyone knows so that I can attribute, please let me know.